GODLY FRIENDSHIPS🤎

I saw a tweet some time ago from @pst_iren (I think) talking about Godly friendships being more about assignment & purpose over availability.

That got me thinking about my level of intentionality in making friends 😅. Growing up, I used to make literally everyone my friend, from the little baby I said hello to a few minutes ago, to the 'big-mummy' I saw getting down from a car and fell in love with her aura. I would find a way to talk to people, engage people in conversations without finishing the conversation just because I needed something to hinge on for a conversation when next we meet.

May 2020, my pastor, @iriahuwagbae spoke extensively on relationships (with friends, parents, family, business & life partners, potential spouses). A part that really struck and still stuck with me today is about the friendships we have and the choices we make when choosing friends.

We shouldn't be quick to give people the friend tag in our lives just because we know them or because they seemed so cool when we met. It is absolutely okay to use the words 'colleagues', 'old classmate', 'school mate', 'acquaintance' while addressing people. Friends of friends do not always have to become friends with you. It is okay to keep people at arm's length until we trust who they are and have understood their personality. We should learn to first earn the trust and worth of each other before giving out the friendship tag. We have to learn to let people prove who they are and we should learn to prove our worth and essence before taking the friend tag.

From @pst_iren I realized that just as people have their individual purposes to achieve in life, relationships are connected by purpose. So before jumping into friendships let alone relationships, talk to God about it. Then deep down, ask yourself some serious questions. 'Can she help me become a better Christian and a better person generally? Is she someone that I can boldly walk with on the path of purpose together? What purpose are we called to achieve with being friends?'

The goal is to have friends that can pray for you and really hold you up when things are down. Both spiritually, mentally, psychologically, everywhere. Also, have the understanding that not every relationship is a forever one (and I didn't say marriage!) Some relationships have an expiry date. We get into each other's lives for a reason, a purpose. Sooner or later, we will be done with our assignment and would have to leave. Leaving doesn't mean not talking to each other again. It only means we can't be in that space we used to be in each other's lives again. Also, the friendship could get toxic for either friend, by either becoming one-sided where only one person is investing so much in it or could be that you just stopped having the same values. Life happens, and the only constancy assured is change. No matter how close you get, be ready to say goodbye when the time comes without sentiments and unnecessary emotions.

Also, friendships come with loyalty, love, and compromise. And yes, stop going into friendships with only a receiver's mentality. Are you that person that your friend can come to when in need? Are you adding value to the life of your friend? Are you your friend's go-to person or does your friend have to find another shoulder to lean on when things get tough because you just have a way of making situations about you? Are you a narcissist? Do you also encourage the growth of your friend in every area?

It is great to have friends for a lifetime, people you have literally known since like forever and have stuck together through thick and thin. But don't stay in friendships that are not worth your time, effort, and resources for the sake of having long-term friendships. Don't just leave a friendship because it became toxic.