International Women's Day, 2021

The theme for the 2021 International Women's Day is #ChoosetoChallenge. Last year, the theme was “I am Generation Equality: Realizing Women's Rights”, and to a large extent, there has been so much sensitization about the rights of women and young ladies. For so long, and even till now, women have been told and taught to 'Think Like A Man, Act Like A Lady, Look Like A Young Girl, Work Like A Horse'. We have been taught standards and social constructs on how to be a woman, how to dress to not attract men, how to react lady-like in situations that obviously don't favor us, how to talk politely to men even when we are being disrespected. We've been told what to do and what not to do, to see ourselves as less because 'we are the weaker vessels'. We have been subconsciously taught to accept and settle for the bare minimum, to beg for things we deserve and not demand things we merit. Last year was a huge awakening on Knowing Women Rights, but it doesn't stop there. This year, we are challenging the odd norms that have kept women below. We are saying no to standards that should not define us. We are rising to our full potentials, in all of our strengths and weaknesses; we are celebrating our wins unapologetically.

A woman is one who walks in her own footsteps rather than following the directions of the crowd!

The popular Bible verse 'wives submit to your husband (Ephesians 5.22)' which is even being used by atheists and non-Christians have been one verse/phrase to silence women and reduce us to the bare minimum because it has been misinterpreted to submitting to every man, hence saying women should not be vocal about injustice or maltreatment to themselves or to others, especially when a guy is the perpetrator of such act. It has also been one phrase to reduce women to accepting whatever we get, making us demand lower than we deserve. In some workplaces and offices, women are paid half of the men's pay, but most times, work as hard or even twice as men. Women have been coerced accept less but do more because she is a woman and 'women are weaker vessels'.

One thing about being a woman is that women get so many 'can-nots' and 'should-nots', 'A woman cannot be a president', 'a woman cannot be a pastor', 'a woman should not serve or hold any political or administrative office', 'the place of a woman begins and ends in the kitchen in her husband's home', 'a woman should not be educated because she is set to be married off to a man', 'a woman should not be assertive', 'how can she talk to him like that? Doesn't she know he's a man and men ought to be respected?' 'a lady should not be too out-spoken', 'a lady should not achieve too much', 'a lady should not laugh too loud' (Oh, I heard this one a lot while growing up), 'a lady that doesn't know how to cook or take care of the home is not worthy to be called a woman', 'she has all that but no husband. That's why no man wants her because she be doing too much'.

So much of these false standards of 'how to be a lady' has reduced ladies and women to either thinking that their value and worth is tied to their body, or that the greatest achievement a lady can ever attain is getting married and having babies. It is 2021. We are in a time where certain jobs and duties can be outsourced to allow space and time to achieve and do more, so much so that the problem of not being able to carry pregnancy has been solved by surrogacy. Domestic chores can be outsourced to create more time to do other things, and no, it has nothing to do with a woman's laziness. There is so much to achieve, a woman's success should not be tied to whether she is married or how many children she has, but how many lives has she impacted? What solutions can she or has she already brought to existing problems? What problems can she or has she solved that would last for generations? What pace is she setting for the younger females coming behind her?

Today, we celebrate the likes of Dr. Mrs. Ngozi Okonjo Iweala and Kamala Harris, both of whom have achieved feats and have risen to attain heights that seemed impossible and unattainable by women, especially women from such backgrounds they came from, in a world where everything white is right but everything black is whack. But then, do women really get all the support they need to achieve such from their immediate family? Friends? Socio-economic group? Or are we only going to be celebrated and called 'strong women' after fighting so much against the socially constructed norms against women, fighting mental battles, getting on the difficult but intentional journey to healing from such trauma so it's not projecting onto the younger folks, denying ourselves the right to feel whatever we are feeling because 'we are women and we are not acting ladylike or submitting to the standards of how lowly a woman's life should be'? Or should I talk about how a woman is discouraged from sharing and speaking of her success because 'it will chase potential husbands and men don't like women who do too much?' Women deserve all the support and love they need to achieve whatever they want and become great pillars in life!

Women's Day is a day set aside to acknowledge and celebrate women's capabilities and achievements in every sphere of life. This year, we are challenging the norms that 'women are supposed to be less because they are weaker '. The strength of a woman, especially a black woman should never be tied to how much toxicity she has to endure, nor her resilience to fight. One person fighting against socially constructed and accepted norms is physically draining and mentally exhausting. All that makes an unhealthy woman and an unhealthy woman cannot be a strong woman. A woman is strong because of all that she has the capability to become, not how much she had to endure from unsupportive family, friends, or society! A woman should be all that she can and wants to be! A woman can be CONFIDENT, POWERFUL & ASSERTIVE! A woman can be a PLUS-SIZE, FLAT, THICK, CURVY, SLIM! A woman should BASK IN ALL OF THE BEAUTY AND GOODNESS SHE WAS CREATED IN! BECAUSE ALL OF THAT MAKES HER WHO SHE IS! A WOMAN, CONFIDENT, STRONG & POWERFUL! I CAN! YOU CAN!! WE ALL CAN!!!